Absence and Memory
by Meddow
Summary: She spent so much time searching for the heart of James Norrington, but it was not until he was gone that she was to find it. ElizabethNorrington


Absence and Memory 

**Author's Notes:** A big thanks to jadeddiva for betaing this fic.

---

_James. I must apologise for my actions over the past few_…days, weeks, months? Elizabeth could not decide for how long she had let him believe she cared for him. How long she had let their loveless charade carry on for. She took a deep breath and steadied her resolve. Elizabeth could plan her apology all she wanted, she probably would be able to do so for many days, but now was the time to apologise to James. She had to do it now while the emotions had a day to settle and now before it became too late to rekindle what friendship they once had.

Elizabeth rapped on the door to his office and waited. There was no call for her to come in.

Taking the handle she let herself in. The Commodore's office was designed to be a room which a person would take great pride being the master of and furnished to intimidate anyone who should enter. It was enormous, plenty of room to hold meeting to plan attacks and with fine furnishings to do so on. Attached was a lovely balcony from which one could look out across the whole port. However, today the Commodore's office was empty of the Commodore himself.

As Elizabeth turned to leave she noticed a different sight than usual out of the window. The _Dauntless _was no longer resting in the bay but rather it was sitting at the dock with sailors hastily moving supplies into its hold. Straining her eyes she could see a solitary figure dressed in blue uniformed finery and with a recognisable hat sanding at the bow, watching the proceedings.

"Damn that man," she muttered under her breath. _A day's head start_. She did not expect him to be stubborn to the word. But how could she not - this was after all James Norrington, a man of few surprises and even less ability for deception and lies. There was only one way she would be able to get her apology to him now.

Elizabeth hurried to the dock. She knew her father did not appreciate her walking the streets of Port Royal alone, but without his coach that was the only option she had left. As she got closer to the dock she noticed the sails and masts of the _Dauntless _that stood in the distance moving further and further away. By the time she emerged from the town the _Dauntless_ was halfway out of the bay. Elizabeth was too late and she could not know how much time would pass before she would see him again or how bitter he would become towards her in his absence.

She heard a coach stop behind her. "Elizabeth?" came her father's voice. She turned to see him step out of his coach. "What are you doing here?"

"I was looking for Commodore Norrington. He was not in his office," she replied.

"I'm afraid he has taken the _Dauntless _tosea intending to track down Mr. Sparrow," her father replied, placing a hand on her shoulder and leading her towards the coach.

"I should have expected as such," she answered as she stepped up and sat down.

"Any reason why you wished to see him?" Governor Swann asked. Elizabeth knew he was disappointed at her choice, he wanted so much to have James as his son-in-law, but she knew he was wise enough to recognise Will for the good man he was.

"I wished to apologise," she confessed as her father sat down opposite to her. "I feel we did not part on the best terms. Why did you not tell me of his plans?" she asked. There had been a time not so long ago when Commodore Norrington was a favourite topic of her father's.

"Mr. Turner was dining with us last night. I thought it somewhat inappropriate to discuss the plans of your former finance in front of him. Though, Commodore Norrington did mention them to you yesterday," he replied, to her gratitude, without a hint of criticism in his voice.

"You did not think that Commodore Norrington would go through with his plans?" he asked.

"I should have," she replied. Was this her doing? She wondered. Had she driven him out to sea? Elizabeth could not imagine James to be the type to brood in his office while suffering an injury. And yet somehow she had expected him to.

"Commodore Norrington has duties that he cannot neglect and catching Mr. Sparrow is one of them. However, I do not think he wishes you ill, Elizabeth."

She nodded. If he wished ill of her then he would surely have punished Will for his actions. He certainly had reason. Still, the lack of resolution between them and the abruptness of his departure made her feel uneasy.

---

Elizabeth knew her father meant well. She was, after all, his only child and he wanted to see her married to a man with prospects, a man that could one day give her all he wanted her to have.

But really, did it have to be Captain Norrington? Elizabeth started across the dinner table at the officer who was slowly carving away at the cut of lamb on his table and stopping every now an again to discuss matters of politics in London with her father. Walpole, Whigs, Tories, the Old Pretender and the East India Trading Company. None of it interested her.

Norrington must have noticed her watching him because he looked to her and smiled politely. Elizabeth mentally chastised herself for thinking what she was thinking about how horrid his company was. She had known him since she was eleven, when he was second lieutenant aboard the _Dauntless_, a ship he now commanded as Captain. And a fine Captain he was. Feared by pirates and revered by his men and the residents of Port Royal. The news of his promotion was not at all unexpected. Though as Norrington continued his current discussion on the sugar trade with her father, Elizabeth wondered how on earth a man who hunted pirates and sailed the seas for a living could be so dull.

In frustration she stabbed at a carrot with a fork and missed, hitting the plate and making a horrid scratching noise that drew the attention of both men onto her. She made a small apologetic smile and the conversation picked up again when Sanders, the butler, walked into the room.

"Governor, you have a visitor," he announced.

"Who on earth could it be at this hour?" the Governor asked in reply.

"Sir Howard," Sanders replied. "He says that it cannot wait."

Her father rubbed his temple with his hand and sighed. "I am sorry, I must be excused. I had though this matter had been concluded."

He walked away from the table and Saunders followed leaving her alone with Norrington, who looked at the Governor leaving with a perplexed expression. Then Elizabeth remembered he had only just returned from sea the day before, he was probably not up on the gossip concerning Sir Howard's eldest son in London and the daughter of a baker.

"My father's influence is required to smooth over a spot of controversy in London," Elizabeth offered as an explanation.

"Ah," Norrington replied. He did not say more on the matter. Elizabeth knew him not to be one to spread hearsay. An uncomfortable silence between the two of them followed. Elizabeth could not help but wonder that if she married the man, whether all their conversations would contain similar stretches of silence.

---

Elizabeth looked out from her spot at the lunch table and gazed past Will to the still harbour. All manner of boat were coming and going, merchant vessels and fishing boats of all sizes. Though not the one vessel she had been watching for. The familiar sight of the mighty _Dauntless_ sitting in the baywas not one the Port Royal had seen in many, many weeks and this worried her.

Will seemed to have noticed her distraction and turned his head to look at the harbour behind him.

"Do you not think it strange that it has been three months and the _Dauntless_ has not returned?" she asked Will.

"Well, they are chasing after Jack and the _Black Pearl_ is the fastest ship in the Caribbean," Will replied. "I do not believe the _Dauntless_ would ever be able to catch up."

"The _Pearl_ is fast, but it is not just speed that can win a chase," Elizabeth said.

Will raised an eyebrow. "Norrington is a great tactician but Jack's smart and has too much of an advantage."

"Yes, but Commodore Norrington is not the kind to give up," she replied.

"You're worried about Jack?" he asked.

Elizabeth frowned. It was not Jack she worried for. He had proven himself quite capable of getting himself out a tight situation, probably more capable when neither her or Will were around. On the other hand, Norrington had always been chasing after pirates for as long as she had known him. But yet she had never cared before now. Though that was before; when the Navy's battles had been purely academic to her. Now they were real.

"I am worried about the both of them," she told Will.

Will placed a hand on hers reassuringly. "I'm sure they will be just fine."

Elizabeth glanced at the bay once more. Despite Will's confident assurances, she knew something was wrong.

---

Elizabeth broke the silence at the dinner table. "Have I congratulated you on your promotion, Captain?" she asked, knowing full well that she had, but being at a loss to find anything to talk to him about. The man was so tight lipped around her but she did know that the Navy and his career within it was a matter very close to his heart.

"Indeed you did, at the beginning of the evening," he replied.

"Well, it is quite an achievement. And one you truly deserve."

Norrington smiled at her complement, a rare genuine smile that seems to reach the edges of his face and softened his formal exterior.

At the sight of his unguarded smile, Elizabeth wished then that she could truly dislike James Norrington. Then she would have real reason to oppose any partnership between the two of them. A person would have to be a fool to not realise that the match made a lot of sense both politically and socially. She was the daughter of a gentlemen and a Governor and would be well received in Commonwealth society and he was the well regarded Captain destined to achieve great things and now wealthy enough to purchase land. Should they return to London, they would fit in well.

Elizabeth also knew that Norrington was good, honest and kind man who did not drink nor gamble. She would be able to trust him and he would make a very good husband.

"I heard that in your last voyage you managed to capture three pirate ships in a week. Quite an achievement," Elizabeth said, returning to the conversation at hand before she could consider the matter of a proposal too far.

"We merely discovered a route that pirates had been exploiting. Word has most likely spread by now and I do not think they will be using it in the future," Norrington replied, returning to his normal dull tone.

"Three ships captured. It is an impressive feat. I am certain five minutes of it was more exciting then my whole week," she commented.

Norrington shifted uncomfortably. "Miss Swann, five minutes of a sea battle is not something I would wish on any lady," he said, effectively putting an end to that route of conversation.

Elizabeth stopped her line of questioning. James Norrington never talked in detail about the battles he fought to her. His career was his life, she had determined that about him a long time ago, and he did not talk about it. She knew so little about him. He revealed so little of himself. How could she ever tell he loved her?

---

As the Reverend said a prayer to the men who had been injured or lost their lives with the wreck on of the _Dauntless_, Elizabeth nearly expected James to be sitting next to her as he had done nearly every Sunday before the proposal.

_Where are you, James? _She wordlessly asked while the others in the congregation followed the words of the prayer.

The _Dauntless _had been lost in a hurricane. The majority of it crew perished but James had survived. The note sent ahead of him that had been sent telling them such details was in his handwriting and bearing his signature. It was an aloof message of the bare details of what had happened that night, a letter that betrayed no emotion. Elizabeth had seen it herself. She slipped into her father's office and read it, the one scrap of proof she had that he was still alive. Though in what state he would be in she did not know.

All she could think off was the slow voyage of James returning to Port Royal. He would be travelling back to the island he had protected for so many years but held for him an uncertain future. Her father had been writing to the Admiralty in London, and from his worried expression at meals Elizabeth could tell he was worried. Be he would fight for James, Elizabeth knew that.

But what of James? He had survived, but what became of a man haunted by the death of so many men who had relied on his sound judgment? She had not been present for the slaughter aboard the _Dauntless_, but she had seen the aftermath. All the blood on deck had belonged to Navy men. She had been told that only one pirate had died in the fray. She had seen the quiet look of despair in his green eyes. Elizabeth had seen the stoic expression he maintained as he led his men in prayers for the fallen on the _Dauntless_. He was responsible for all those lives just as he was responsible for the lives that had been now lost at sea.

Elizabeth wished more then anything that James was there with her.

---

Elizabeth wondered what matter her father should find so pressing to leave her alone for so long at the dinning table with Captain Norrington. Well, she was not going to put his opportunity to waste. She had formulated a plan. Elizabeth was going to find something out about the man who seemed so preoccupied with her.

"Captain, I have known you for a long time, and yet I have never seen you wear anything out of uniform." Elizabeth stated. "I know from your reputation alone that you are a great strategist and a brilliant swordsman and that talk of your promising future follows you around. However, I feel that I know nothing of James Norrington. You never talk to me about yourself."

Norrington sat back in his chair, mouth open slightly, slightly shocked by her outburst. "I am very sorry, Miss Swann."

"Do not apologise but rather change the situation. Tell me about yourself. Do you play music?" Elizabeth asked.

"I'm afraid do not," he replied.

Elizabeth sighed and then realised that see seemed quite rude.

"When I was a boy I once tried learning to play the pianoforte. But I was truly awful at it," he added, a hopeful look in his eyes.

"Well, do you read?" she asked.

"I, unfortunately, find very little time for it."

Elizabeth sat back in her chair, frustrated.

"I do draw sometimes," he said quietly.

"Really?" Elizabeth asked, pleased she had finally made a breakthrough, something past the uniform and to the heart of James Norrington. "What do you draw?"

Elizabeth could swear then that Norrington was blushing slightly, but his voice did not betray any uncomfortable. "Objects of interest and sights I come across on my travels," he replied.

"It is very common pursuit for men who travel," he added. Elizabeth was sure it was.

Elizabeth looked back down at her plate as her father suddenly re-entered the room.

"I apologise. That man is insufferable but I do need his support within the assembly," he commented as he sat down. "Now where were we?"

Elizabeth picked up her fork. Any breakthrough had been only slight. He drew, but there was still very little to Captain Norrington.

---

"Why did you not think to tell me that he was here?" Elizabeth asked her father as she paced about his study. Norrington had been here, in her home.

"It all happened rather quickly. He arrived this morning and before I had a chance to change his mind he had resigned and announced his departure from Port Royal," Governor Swann replied.

"Then why did you not stop him?" she demanded.

"Elizabeth, do you honestly think I did not try?" he exclaimed.

He loved the man like son. He would have tried to stop him, she knew that. And things were not as simple as she wished them too be. Losing two ships was a serious offence. The Articles of War made negligence an offence that was punishable by death.

Elizabeth stopped pacing and sat down in a chair in front of her father's desk.

"Do you know where he has gone?" she asked, realising she sounded defeated.

"He said he would return to England. Nowhere specific and no name of the vessel he was to travel on," he father replied without confidence in his voice.

Elizabeth could not imagine Norrington on land in England. _Mister_ Norrington. It all seemed so wrong. She could not imagine seeing him without his uniform or looking anything less than pristine. Maybe he never wanted her to see him that way. That may be why he had declined to visit her.

"I cannot imagine Commodore Norrington without his commission. What ever will he do?" she asked.

"I do not know."

"But he has always been in the Navy. Since he was eleven," she said, remembering what he had told her long ago on the crossing to Jamaica.

The two of them sat there in silence for a few moments.

"May I ask why you have had such and interest in Commodore Norrington of late?" Governor Swann asked with what seemed like a hint of hope in his voice.

"Would this have happened if I had chosen him?" she asked, wishing desperately for guidance.

Her father sighed.

"I believe...Elizabeth, I believe that hurricanes are beyond the control of us mere mortals. I also believe that love is an emotion that all men are powerless to control. We all hope that happiness will accompany it, but often it does not. Commodore Norrington is alone in the world now. All we can do it hope that it treats a good man with kindness."

Elizabeth sat back. Her father was right.

---

Her father and Norrington's discussion of economics continued through desert. Eventually all that had been said could be said, all the food had been eaten and it was time for their small dinner party to end.

Elizabeth walked Norrington to the door alone. She suspected her father had planned it that way.

"It was very nice seeing you, Miss Swann."

"Please, Captain, you may call me Elizabeth."

He smiled his genuine smile once more, the one that made her feel so awful. "And you may call me James."

"Good evening, James," she said, his first name seeming so foreign to her lips.

"Good night, Elizabeth."

Norrington turned and left. Elizabeth stood in the doorway watching him, James Norrington in all his finery. He was a good man, maybe love would come.

But was it so bad for her to yearn for something more than acceptable? Was it so awful of her to want something beyond the ordinary? She knew it was silly, but Elizabeth longed for classical romance. She wanted a man to love her as much as Orpheus did Eurydice or as much as Odysseus did Penelope. Elizabeth wanted love. Something that James Norrington with all his formality and restraint would never be able to provide her.

Whatever was she going to do?

---

She volunteered to take James' sword from her father's office to the Commodore's office. Somewhere it belonged.

Elizabeth placed the box on the table and noticed something out of place amongst the charts and navigation tools that lined his desk: a leather-bound book without a title. Quietly she picked the book up and looked through the pages. She was met by a charcoal picture of a view of the bay of Port Royal. He drew, she remembered. He drew pictures of his travels. She flicked to the next page, the _Interceptor_ sitting at port. It was followed by a picture of the _Dauntless_. Two ships that now lay at the bottom of the ocean. Two ships he must have loved somewhere near to how Jack had loved his _Pearl._

She kept on turning the pages and found pictures of Islands, flora and fauna. She saw a drawing of a Parrot and a drawing of a palm tree. Another that looked rather like the Smuggler's Island she had ended up on for far too long with Jack Sparrow. Elizabeth turned the page again and found herself staring back at her. Her face, delicately sketched. She must have smiled at him from out of the page when he looked at her. She turned another page and found another of herself, in the gown she had worn at some formal event or another. She looked beautiful.

She realised she had finally found the heart of James Norrington, his loves and passions. All had been lost to him and now he had abandoned the memory of them, left them in a sketch-book in his old office.

Elizabeth put the book down quickly and walked towards the balcony. She stared out to the horizon where the sun was now setting. In his way he had loved her, he had fought for her, he had suffered for her. She had failed to realise it and now he was gone, lost to her and possibly himself.

_James Norrington. Forgive me. _


End file.
